Pregnancy Loss and Relationships
Our psychologist, Danielle Lemky, wrote this post for the many clients that she supports after pregnancy loss. She is passionate about working with these families, and through her past experiences working in this field she has gained valuable experience that she brings to her counselling sessions.
In this post, learn some of her favourite tips for parents of newborns. You can learn more about Danielle here and here.
If you or someone you know has experienced pregnancy or infant loss and is in need of support, please feel free to reach out to Danielle at danielle@lemontreepsychology.com for support. Danielle has listed additional resources at the end of the post.
Pregnancy loss is a profound experience that can significantly impact the mental health of both partners involved. The emotional repercussions of losing a pregnancy can be deep and complex, manifesting in various ways. For many couples, navigating the grief associated with this loss can be challenging, as each partner may handle their feelings differently. Understanding the shared and individual aspects of this experience can help foster a supportive environment conducive to healing.
The journey of pregnancy, while filled with hope and anticipation, can take a heartbreaking turn. Miscarriage, stillbirth, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), and/or ectopic pregnancy can evoke feelings of loss, despair, confusion, and isolation. According to statistics, approximately 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, which means that many couples encounter this difficult reality. Yet, despite the prevalence, discussions surrounding pregnancy loss often remain shrouded in stigma and silence, making it even harder for couples to process their grief together.
Validating Each Other’s Unique Experiences
Both partners will likely experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety. However, differing grief responses can create tension or misunderstandings between partners. For instance, one partner may feel the need to express their grief openly, while the other might prefer to cope in silence. This disparity can lead to feelings of frustration or abandonment, as partners may struggle to understand each other’s reactions.
Open communication is crucial in these moments. Couples should feel encouraged to share their feelings and validate each other's experiences. It’s also important to recognize that societal expectations can influence how individuals cope with pregnancy loss. Often, the birthing partner is seen as the primary carrier of grief, which can overshadow the emotional turmoil experienced by their partners. This can result in resentment and emotional distance. Therefore, it is essential for both partners to acknowledge that grief is a shared experience, allowing each individual to be open about their feelings, regardless of gender roles.
Coping and Healing
Coping mechanisms will vary significantly from one person to another. Some may find solace in spending time with friends and family, while others might seek professional help to navigate their grief. Therapy can be an invaluable resource for couples dealing with pregnancy loss. A mental health professional can provide coping strategies to help partners communicate effectively and understand each other’s emotions. This space allows for mourning together and separately while also promoting healing.
Additionally, incorporating memorials or rituals can aid the healing process. Some couples choose to plant a tree, create a scrapbook, or hold a small memorial service to honor their lost pregnancy. These acts can serve as tangible reminders of their experience and offer comfort during difficult times. By participating in these rituals together, partners can strengthen their bond and provide mutual support as they commemorate the life that could have been.
Moreover, it is crucial to focus on the long-term implications of pregnancy loss on mental health. Both partners may experience anxiety about future pregnancies, fearing a repeat of the sorrow they have just endured. Mental health specialists can provide strategies to process these anxieties, ultimately helping couples to engage in future pregnancies with a healthier mindset.
The Importance of Community
Support groups can also play a vital role in the healing journey. Sharing experiences with others who have undergone similar losses can cultivate a sense of belonging and understanding. Many individuals find solace in hearing different perspectives on grief, which can help them feel less isolated in their pain. These groups can provide a safe space for discussing individual experiences and foster connections that can last well beyond the grieving period. When considering family and friends, it is important for couples to communicate their needs clearly. Loved ones may offer support but may not always know how to help. Couples should feel empowered to articulate their preferences regarding visits, conversations, and any specific support they find most helpful.
A final word
Ultimately, the journey through pregnancy loss is uniquely personal, and no two couples will navigate it in the same way. Understanding that each partner's grief is valid, regardless of its expression, is crucial in fostering a supportive environment. By encouraging open communication, considering professional help, engaging in rituals of remembrance, and connecting with others facing similar experiences, couples can cultivate resilience throughout their grieving process. The path may be fraught with challenges, but with open hearts and minds, partners can emerge from this difficult chapter more connected and understanding of each other’s emotional landscapes.
Resources
Please feel free to explore the below resources in the Calgary community and online that are offering support to folks experiencing pregnancy and infant loss:
The Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Centre: https://pilsc.org/
SIDS Calgary: https://sidscalgary.ca/
Alberta Health Services Calgary: https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/fmc/Page16422.aspx
Sad Dads Club: https://saddadsclub.com/
Postpartum International Support Groups: https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/
